After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
