I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
