I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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