you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
