Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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