i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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