it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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