I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
