So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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