Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
