I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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