Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
