well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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