Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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