I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
