are you so shy because you have an std?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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