I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
