he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
