At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
