I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
3 2 1 whiskey
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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