Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
