I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
