But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
