I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
