I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
