I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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