I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
