idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
