He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
