4 words: hood of his car
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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