Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
