I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
