I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
