in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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