He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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