Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
