Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
