Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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