batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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