I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
