i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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