i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
