guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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