I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
