I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
