started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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