Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
