piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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