I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
