He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
