after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
