the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
