do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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