So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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