Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize