Will you blow on my dice?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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