she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
