I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
