so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
