My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
