I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
