Apparently you make a good broom.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
