So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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