The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
