Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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