Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize