My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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