Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize