This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
