well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
