so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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