I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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