David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
