Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
