I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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