So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
