So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
