You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
