drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
