Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
