Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize