Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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