i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
