there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
