Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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