It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if only i could text you this smell
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
