Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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