My sheets look like a crime scene.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
