then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
