just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
