Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
