Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
