just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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