how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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