my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
