he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize