are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
