ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
