what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize