just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
