We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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