i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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