Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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