My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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