i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize