I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
