On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
