kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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